Unlearning the idea that you always have to be fixing yourself. By: Shehzeen Shafi

As a teenager myself I believe, we live in a world that constantly tells us to “do better” and “be better.” There’s always another goal to reach, another flaw to fix, another version of ourselves we’re told we should become. But all this pressure to improve can have a major effect on our mental health.Whether it's through social media, school pressure, or expectations from others, it can feel like we're always being judged against an impossible standard. Every time we scroll, we’re faced with success stories that make it easy to compare ourselves to others — and feel like we’re falling behind. It can make it seem like we’re not allowed to just be there and exist as we are, without changing anything. But what if you are not a problem that needs to be fixed.

According to me, mental health isn’t always about pushing yourself to be more. It’s more about accepting your thoughts, your emotions, and your current self without giving up. In fact, in my opinion, acceptance is one of the most powerful ways to take care of your mind. I believe that constantly trying to fix yourself can send the message to your inner self that something is wrong with you and that’s just not true as everyone struggles and grows at their own pace. And everyone deserves acceptance as being a human.

In high school, it can feel like everyone around you is moving faster, achieving more, or looking happier. But comparing your journey to someone else’s only creates stress. Just like no two people have the same story, no two people heal or grow in the same way. You don’t have to chase perfection to be worthy because I think everyone is enough, exactly as they are right now.

That’s also why I personally believe we need to stop confusing healing with self-improvement. While self-improvement can be meaningful, it’s often used as a mask to cover up how we really feel so that we can avoid facing the deeper emotions we carry. Healing, however, is something entirely different. It’s quieter and slower. It’s about giving yourself permission to feel your emotions fully, to admit when things are hard, and to meet yourself with the same compassion and attention you’d offer a close friend. To me, healing means being able to say, “I’m not okay right now, and that’s okay.” because sometimes, real growth and acceptance begins when we stop trying to fix ourselves and simply allow ourselves to be the way we are.

So, in order to begin unlearning the idea that we always have to be fixing ourselves, I believe it starts with choosing self-compassion over constant self-criticism.Pay attention to how you think about yourself even if your thoughts are negative or unfair, try to treat yourself with the same kindness and acceptance instead of changing yourself. Take breaks from social media when it leaves you feeling like you’re not enough. Do something every day simply because it brings you peace, not because it checks off a box on your “improvement” list. And most importantly, remind yourself often: you don’t need to be constantly improving to be able to remain worthy and deserve care.